Eat,Drink and Marry

My youngest daughter, Kali, is getting married to Dan Murphy this October in Carmel Valley. It has been, like all weddings, a family reintegration. Weddings are among those rituals, like birthdays, graduations, baptisms, and funerals, where family realigns. Being amorphous, family is always reshaping and rearranging. It brings in new members or reaches out to old parts of the ever changing whole.
In our case, my Cress cousins from my Atlantic City childhood are coming to California for the October 6th nuptials. They are little kids in my mind, as I was the oldest cousin and married when my cousin Joy was born. Now age is melted and we’re all adults. The wedding did not feel whole without them. My deceased brother’s Steve’s son, Chris Cress, is flying in as well There are lots of Petersons—my husband’s family—and a huge contingent the groom’s family—the Murphy’s. I had to reconstruct the Cress family, to add to the Murphy’s and all these Petersons. The Cress family presence makes me feel like my matrilineal bloodline will be flowing into this marriage.
Becca, my 92-year-old mother-in-law, who now lives in a nursing home, will be taken to the wedding. Kali always said that no matter what, her grandparents would be there if Becca had to use a pink wheelchair to roll down the aisle. Becca can still walk but needs an escort, so her best friend, Anne Myers, Anne’s husband George, and their daughter Karen will walk Becca down the aisle.
Bill Murphy, the groom’s grandfather, will be present. . He still drives and has been such a gracious supporter of Kali and Dan. He gave Kali diamond earrings that she will wear at the ceremony. My 86-year-old Dad Harry Cress will attend. The guest list includes Dan’s grandfather Dick Homesley and his kind wife, Pat. So the wedding will display a pod of five grandparents, all over the age of 80.
Those grandparents will be joined by five of their great-grandchildren, all in the wedding party. Joseph Gallo (10), Julia Gallo (14), my daughter Jill’s boy, Benjamin Peterson (11), Jacob Peterson (9), and Hannah Peterson (5) will parade down the aisle after their great-grandparents. Jacob and Joseph are joint ring bearers. Benjamin is the bell ringer, who will announce the bride. Hannah is the delectable flower girl, and Julia the junior bridesmaid. Like little wedding cakes they will be decorated in small suits and dupioni silk dresses. No reluctant performers, these kids can’t wait to be the focus of attention. Hannah, the youngest, will be resplendent in her off-white silk dress and will love having everyone’s eyes on her. Julia says she is “so not bridesmaid material,” as would most 14-year-olds. But she adores Aunt Kali and Uncle Dan so she’s ditching the black AC/DC tee shirts and donning the silk dress.
The great-grandkids are tied to the great-grandparents, Kali the bride, and Dan the groom. The minister will be Kali’s brother, Scott Peterson. As this wedding, as most do, spins around kinship, it is almost perfect that Scott will marry them and at the same time watch his three kids walk down the aisle.
Like an Indian wedding, it unfolds over four days, and kicks into multiple events, at the Holly Farm. The festivities include a welcome dinner, a Bocce Ball tournament held by my husband, a trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, dining at great Carmel restaurants for guests not going to the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, and ending with a brunch on Sunday. We are so happy to do this because we love our daughter and Dan. We want them to have the wedding of their dreams. It’s like a quinceanera, a ritual I have planned in the mind for years, like a Hispanic Mom. I believe in celebrating passages, carrying out rituals, moving your child to the next stage in life. I believe we need the magic of sacrament to celebrate ourselves and move the family member to the next phase of life, supported by all the ever-morphing kin. The family becomes central to the wedding. The great-grandparents, parents, sisters and brothers, great-grandchildren, and guests, sanctifying and celebrating, both the union of two families and the new family members to come. I wanted this wedding because all the Murphy’s, Petersons, Cresses and Homesly’s can celebrate and witness this bond while they eat, drink, and of course—marry.